I started ANLS three years ago to fill a couple of voids. I wanted to create a space for women that involved building relationships and of course, fashion. I wanted a way to meet new friends that didn't involve sitting in a bar. I also wanted to create an event for women that was labelled "body positive" because I wanted women to feel comfortable attending knowing that they could be a size 0 or a size 30.
I decided to start a clothing swap at the shop with a mission of being "body positive" because I want to create a safe space for women of all shapes and sizes who are trying clothes on in front of other women. I wanted to have a swap that held no judgements on body size or concern of anyone saying something offensive that might cause any type of discomfort. More specifically I wanted to feel safe because I have battled with self doubt and low self esteem my whole life.
I think it is safe to say that most people feel vulnerable when it comes to their body and how people perceive you body. Of course we all want to have a judgement free world but that is not the world we live in. So A Naked Lady Soiree was my answer to trying to create that world.
So this is what happened...I was standing around talking with some ladies and out of someone's mouth right next to me I hear, "Are you pregnant?" I almost fainted and died in that moment. I thought to myself, "What the fuck? Really?!?" What part of body positive did you not get? Maybe I felt triggered because two days before the swap while walking home my neighbor asked if I was pregnant. There is nothing wrong with being pregnant but only if you are pregnant. I don't think people understand how much weight that statement holds. It might be offensive or hurtful to be asked that question. I saw the life in the woman's eyes go dead when she was asked if she was pregnant and I saw her suck in her stomach in shock. I almost cried because I felt like I failed her in creating a safe space.
I immediately tried to fix the situation but I couldn't respond diplomatically. I know I reacted in a triggered manner. I said, "Please promise me that you will never, never, never ask anyone that question again, unless you have been told that they are pregnant from their mouth." I said,"You should NEVER ask anyone that question that you don't know!" Not only does it bring up body image things but it also brings up deeper things like, can this woman have a baby? Is this woman actually pregnant and was going to have an abortion.
It was hard for me to move on from what was said because I was MAD! I am writing this blog post to help me process and get over what happened. I don't know if there is any real solution to what happened but I know there is a lesson in all this from the universe. I will wait patiently for the answer while I process. Thanks for letting me share.